what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
