just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
