Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
