were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
