he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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