I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
