you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
love makes seman taste better
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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