Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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