Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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