I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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