I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
