We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
