I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
