I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
