This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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