Whod you bang
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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