shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
