Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
there was a trapeze. enough said
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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