I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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