ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
