what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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