how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
