i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
