a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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