Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
