Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
