oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
