He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
