am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
