we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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