my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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