so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
