I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
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She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
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Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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