So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
