She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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