You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
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6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize