i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
