I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
