I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
