Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
