My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
