in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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