took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
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my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
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The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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