Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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