I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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