The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
