Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
