I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
