Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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