I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
