we're chasing vodka with high fives
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
