I'm drive I can fine osifer
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
