U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
