he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
So. Much. Porn.
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