We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
