why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
