I swear she didn't look like that last week.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
So squirting runs in the family.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
