Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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