I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
