So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
