I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
We just shotgunned beers for America
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
