I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
