I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
