eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
