I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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