I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
